It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

June 21, 2005

Oh, my aching everything

I get home and I peel off my filthy armor and just leave it on the living room floor in a stinking heap. Crawling into the bath tub, I soak my battered body in scalding water for the better part of an hour. I’m going to look like a prizefighter in the morning. I can practically feel the bruises bubbling their way up through my flesh to the surface.

Too confused and angry to focus, I seek the comfort of cable television. I am an American, after all.Laying there, slowly working on a pint of Cherry Garcia ice cream, I look at the TV without actually watching it while I work the night’s events around in my head.

Did I really hit Dr. Quark in the balls? Was that a smart thing to do?

I’m wondering if I should actually show up at the meeting tomorrow with the super-assholes who run the company, or if I should just change my name and get out of town.

33 comments:

Noface Jim said...

Trust me, skipping town is never a good idea. You always come back ten years later and find out that you have a kid of something screwey like that.

That's my two cents.

-Jim

Zoot Koomie said...

You might as well show up; it's not like Dr. Q couldn't come and find you wherever you ran off to anyway. Just remember, he'll probably be wearing a cosmic cup or something this time so go for the gut not the nads.

Zoot

Anonymous said...

Dude, if you remembered to grab the phone before introducing the Doctor's nads to your knee CALL STRIKER! The Storm Riders are bad-ass, sure, but what they're pulling these days is nuts, even putting aside the fact they've been jerking you around for no good reason! You need someone in your corner, and Striker seemed like a pretty good guy. He took the time to come talk to you, and respected you enough to back off and let you do your thing.

And you do NOT want the Doctor as your enemy without backup. Remember all those rumors about he did to Vortexa when she claimed she was pregnant with his child!

Joel said...

I to think you should go, but my logic is different. You pretty my know when you show up the whole office is going to be pristine. And frankly don't you want to know how they manage that?

Anyway keep bloggin' V; we love ya.

GeneHa said...

I jumped into this late, and decided to read all the old posts before I read the latest ones. I had no idea you'd stopped posting in June! (It's late September as I type).

So by now any opinion I might have is way out of date. You could have moved, or Dr Q may have already turned you into a 5" tall plastic VM action figure that Ted gave to Margo to make up for her lost cat clock. Hope you're still alive!

I kinda figured they were superheroes in the QW project. Like Silver Striker (sp?) said, if they were villains they would have already shot you in the back of the head. It wasn't a bad deal: you get to work with your crush at a job with no evening hours. Then you get to patrol the town for crime all night.

If you're still able to type, let us know where you are some day. Hopefully you've been drinking Red Bull in the Storm Rider HQ and watching Battlestar Galactica reruns.

Faceless Henchwoman said...

geneha, don't worry, VM hasn't stopped typing. It's just that his dimension and ours have some amount of flux between them, so the date he posts and the date we recieve the post are not the same post.

joel, it's simple. Dr. Q. is the surgeon of reality, right? He'll wave his hand and it'll all be fixed.

VM, I say skip town. I mean, you kneed him in the groin. With superstrength. I'm surprised he let Ted let you keep going after that.

The Colossus said...

Come on, VM. We know you're staying put. One word for you.

Hydrangea.

You ain't going anywhere.

Velvet Marauder said...

OK, sorry to break the proverbial fourth wall, but I'm going on vacation for a week, so I won't post again until October 1/2 - when I promise all will be revealed, your senses will be shattered, etc.

Sorry about the confusing transdimensional time lag thing - it's September 24 in Evergreen City.

Thanks everybody, for reading and shit.

-VM

razorsmile said...

You gats to go back. For one thing, they just might make you a member in order to shut you up.

Second, you can't exactly outrun a reality-manipulator anyway.

So, just walk right into work the next day like nothing happened. Hell, once Q's done, that will be literally true.

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jon said...

Looking at asthma info online today while my son coughs I came across this post. Does anyone know a good asthma site to help?

Thanks

GeneHa said...

The American Lung Association has a list of recommended sites about childhood asthma:

http://www.lungusa.org/site/pp.asp?c=dvLUK9O0E&b=22691

Netdoctor.co.uk says that "Most children outgrow the disease." So stay hopeful.

Gene Ha recommends lots of comic books for kids under the weather or in waiting rooms. Good luck and God bless.

While you're on this site, you could ask VM about finding bizarre accidents that bestow super powers...

jon said...

While searching for new air conditioner info for my house I stumbled onto your blog. I totally agree!

Paul

Gus said...

"OK, sorry to break the proverbial fourth wall, but I'm going on vacation for a week"

This also happened to the other fella

GeneHa said...

On the subject of random searches...

If you do a Google link search for:
link:velvetmarauder.blogspot.com

for pages that link to this blog, the first result you find is for a woman who makes hand embroidered baby bibs. They're really adorable, but not what I would have expected.

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Gus said...

"Hey, I have enjoyed...your blog is informative - even entertaining."

That was classic. It reads as if an alien is trying to court your blog.

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gorjus said...

ARGH!! Spamattacks!!

I heart the Velvet Marauder. I hate fucking spammers. I hate VM vacations, too!!

Verity Kindle said...

Hey Dave, we need a cleanup over in this aisle, please!

owlish said...

Man, if only Dr. Quark could destroy the Evil Legion of Spammers!

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Verity Kindle said...

Oh, y'all are going to HELL. get your own blog. You are stealing Dave's bandwidth!! How do spammers sleep at night?

Noface Jim said...

You know what's funny? On a post where I said that I'm going to cancel my blog, I got spam saying 'I love you blog, I'm going to bookmark it'.

The don't even bother to read what they're spamming.

Bitches.

-Jim

Verity Kindle said...

I mean VM's bandwidth!!! When he gets back from the temporal vortex, he's going to open up a can on all of you thieving little hosers.

Faceless Henchwoman said...

Spam attack, hmm? Well, there are ways to combat spam.

Orbital lasers, for instance.

I pity the next spammer.

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Faceless Henchwoman said...

Okay! I think the orbital lasers have taken care of the two spammers that dared brave my wrath, and set out an adequate warning for the others.

That, or the fact that VM turned on the comment spam-robot catcher thingie.

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