It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

June 11, 2005

Placing another order with My Guy

Time to place an order with My Guy, my anonymous weapons and gadget dealer. I log in to a secure one-time-only chat room and place my order for a replacement topcoat. While I’m online I have a stroke of inspiration:

X9: The jacket will be ready in two days. Anything else?

ME: Yeah, do you have any suction cup things? For climbing glass walls?

X9: I have a standard set of four climbing cups, yes. Two for the palm, two for the toes. Their test weight is 350 lbs.

ME: Are they really big?

X9: No, they can fit in a large size utility belt pouch, which I’ll throw in free of charge. It’s not something you’d want to carry around with you all the time, but if you know you’re going to climb glass, you can just load the pouch on to your belt.

ME: That sounds awesome. I’ll take a set.

X9: OK.

ME: One other thing. I picked up a high-tech samurai type mask off of this villain guy, Green Dragon. It’s made of some sort of lightweight material, has some optics in it, and has a flamethrower feature so the wearer can spit fire. I’m not sure what else it does; the fire thing kind of made me nervous to screw around with it. Does it sound familiar?

X9: Sounds like a Yakuza design. They have a corps of assassins who wear masks like that.

ME: So you didn’t design it?

X9: No. Why do you ask?

ME: Just curious.

X9: I’d be happy to examine it and write up a user’s guide if you like. You’d have to ship it to me, of course.

ME: I don’t know…

X9: Where are you keeping it?

ME: Right now?

X9: Yes.

ME: At my headquarters.

X9: You know, it’s not uncommon for hardware like that to have tracking devices, or micro-GPS recorders that keep track of where the device has been…

ME: No shit?

X9: No shit.

ME: If it has one of these trackers, can you disable it?

X9: Yes.

ME: OK, fine, I’ll send it in.

X9: Good. I’ll return it within the week. Anything else?

ME: Yeah, how about another dozen solar flares? Those work great.

X9: I thought you’d like them. Those are very popular with my clients.

Whoever his clients may be... I’ve got a feeling My Guy plays both sides of the hero/villain street.

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