It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

June 08, 2005

Damn that mask!

I almost burnt down my house tonight.

I’ll have to get a new flatscreen monitor and keyboard, because I pretty much melted the ones I had. I set up fans to air out the Secret Chamber but the place still smells like smoke hours later.

So I was in the Secret Chamber, in my underwear (boxers) watching the local news and checking out the cool techno-samurai face mask I jacked from Green Dragon. I was actually hoping to hear some news about my strange attacker, but no such luck. The big news today is the groundbreaking for construction of the new monorail line that will snake through the city. KORN has footage of Mayor Chip McChesney posing with some guys in suits, all holding a golden shovel. I hate that guy, but I’m psyched about the monorail, strictly from a professional perspective. What superhero hasn’t longed to battle an enemy on top of a speeding monorail? I say hurry up and build it and send in the ninjas, baby.

Anyway, I was sitting down, sort of half watching the TV and half fiddling with Green Dragon’s mask, when a huge jet of fire just fucking erupts from the mask and spurts across the room, torching a command console and an expensive fucking flatscreen monitor. Suddenly half the Secret Chamber is on fire.

I say something apropos like, “Oh shit!” and grab a fire extinguisher. The fire is quickly out, but my relatively small secret headquarters is now filled with bitter plastic-smelling smoke.

Swearing, I open the secret door into my living room and let the smoke roll out into my house. God, I am such an idiot. I really am. I should be ticketed for idiocy. Playing with flame-spewing supervillain mask = not smart.

I hit the exhaust fans in the Chamber to hopefully suck some smoke out. I installed the fans myself after realizing that without proper ventilation, my Secret Chamber quickly became a humid, farty dungeon, which is never cool. I mean, I never have people over to the Secret Chamber or anything, but I still have standards. I don’t want to be the hero with the skuzzy headquarters.

Well, I’m not going to screw around with that mask anymore. I wanted it for my modest trophy collection, but now I’m not so sure. I’m nervous to even check out the mask’s other features now – what if it has like, a face recognition system and if anybody but Green Dragon puts it on, it shoots spikes into the person’s skull. In my world, that could happen.

Maybe I should send the mask to My Guy, see if he can tell me more about it. I need to order a new topcoat anyway; mine got sort of trashed in the fight. I’ll email him.

I decide to skip patrol and spend the rest of the night cleaning up my damn Secret Chamber.

2 comments:

Verity Kindle said...

Hey, maybe you could try simmering some orange peel on the stove. That will cover up bad smells, but on the other hand, your place will smell all citrusy, so be careful

alena said...

Hey, I have enjoyed...your blog is informative - even entertaining.

I have a halloween sites. They pretty much covers costumes and masks related stuff.

Thanks again and I'll be sure to bookmark you.