It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

January 22, 2005

Yes! Space Zombie Apocalypse!

So can I call it or what?

There’s some huge supernatural crisis going on up in Canada, high up in the Arctic Circle where that asteroid hit back in November. (See post Death Rock from Space and Earth – 1 Giant Sentient Asteroid – 0, 11/04) It hit up in the Northwest Territories, near a town called Inuvik, which is apparently the capitol of The Middle of Nowhere. The crater began radiating strange otherworldly energy, the kind of shit that makes dogs crazy, gives people nosebleeds, and makes you hear weird voices and sounds. The Canadian government lost two teams of scientists and a documentary crew from National Geographic inside the blast zone before they got serious and quarantined the whole area.

But it was too late for Inuvik, as the anchorman for CBC tells us. I like Canadian news, it has fewer shooting death stories and their news guys all seem so polite. The report is maddeningly vague, but grim:

“We’ve been unable to verify the fate of A Company of the 1st Battalion,” says CBC anchorman Todd Williams. “Scott Gregory, our CBC reporter in Dawson last reported that the soldiers of A Company were attacked when they entered Inuvik –reportedly attacked by the citizens of the town themselves. Our last contact with Scott was three hours ago, when he sent a text message which said – and this is unconfirmed – that the soldiers were being eaten by the attackers…”

I called it! Space zombie apocalypse. (see post Space zombies or evil beast from another dimension? You make the call, 12/17/04)

Here’s more Todd Williams: “Minister of Defence* Bill McCormick spoke with reporters yesterday at Land Force Western Area HQ about the deadly phenomenon.”

We cut to the Canadian Minister of Defence speaking to reporters on a helipad, surrounded by bureaucrats and bodyguards. Behind him the sky to the northeast glows an unnatural purple. It looks like fucking Mordor. A military helicopter flies overhead.

Minister of Defence: “We’ve established a 20 km cordon around the area, which we’re reinforcing with elements of the 1st Canadian Mechanized Brigade. Our American friends have offered military assistance and a unit of Rangers from Washington State is en route to Land Force Western as we speak. We are working on learning more about the phenomenon, but right now we’re primarily concerned with containment and the protection of our citizens in the northern provinces. We haven’t ruled out parahuman intervention.”

That means Storm Riders. Canada doesn’t have a national super team right now – they keep reforming and disbanding theirs – and they wouldn’t want the Minute Men coming in. Other countries are weird about having American super soldiers operating on their soil. They’ll send in the Storm Riders within 24 hours, you watch.

*This is the correct spelling of "defense" if you're a Canadian

1 comment:

K.Fox, Jr. said...

That's intersting. I didn't know that was the correct spelling of defense if you're Canadian. Also, aren't the Storm Riders American?