It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

January 08, 2005

My shower rituals

I have a couple of little rituals that I do involving the shower. Nothing obscene.

The first one is a Tony Robbins-type power move called The Terminator. I use it to get psyched, you know, to seize the day and shit. Here's how it works:

You know how in the Terminator movies, when a Terminator comes back through time and he appears all naked in this big glowing ball of energy? That's the visual here. We're focusing on an image of power, of potency.

After I'm done with the soap, shampoo, and conditioner, I kneel down in the shower in my Terminator-travelling-through-time pose. I visualize the more svelte Robert Patrick T-1000 from Terminator 2. Anyway, I'm kneeling down and in my head the Terminator music starts.


I raise my head slowly. I'm the T-1000.


The water pounds down on me as I slowly rise, a single-minded, goal-oriented killing machine.


I rise up in the shower, feeling powerful. The music crescendoes. I am ready to Terminate.

Dah-duh-duh-duhduh! Dah-duh-duh-duhduh!

I'm not saying I do that every morning, but if I want to give myself the edge, if I've got a big presentation I like to bust a little Terminator and start the day off right.

The other ritual I do is, after I shave, I look at myself in the mirror and say, "The Connor Mackenzie Machine: zero defects!" Then I slap myself.

I ripped that off from Innerspace; Dennis Quaid does that in one scene and I always thought it was cool.


Captain Toenail said...

You're a freak.

Velvet Marauder said...

Yes I am.

I neglected to mention "The Pterodactyl," which is another after-shower ritual of mine.

Sometimes after toweling off your bathing-suit area is not fully dry, you know what I mean? Sort of humid? It's time for The Pterodactyl.

I hold the corners of the towel and spread it out like pterodactyl wings behind me, centered on my butt. Then I kind of squat down and flap my wings while I squawk "CAAAW! CAAAW!" like a pterodactyl. This airs 'the boys' out and allows me to pretend I'm a dinsoaur.

I'm suddenly sorry that I shared that.

K.Fox, Jr. said...

You ought to be sorry. It's alright though. Doesn't bother me, though. I won't (and haven't) lost/lose any respect for you.

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