I'm Famous

Score! I'm in the latest issue of SuperPeople - you know, from the makers of TeenPeople.

It's not a feature or anything. I'm in the back of the magazine in the Sightings section, where they have little blurbs and pictures of various superheroes. There's a picture of me! Me! The Me Person! It looks like a picture lifted off the KORN helicopter footage from the thing in Chinatown with the Judo Boys - the picture's sort of blurry, but that's good right? Maintains the aura of debonair mystery I'm going for with the whole VM brand.

Anyway, there's a picture and a blurb:

Sighted! Evergreen City's nocturnal mystery man the Velvet Marauder has stepped out of the shadows in recent weeks with his high-profile bust of Exploder. Recently the midnight maniac helped the winged wonder Kestrel to take down murderous gangsters in EC's Chinatown. Is the Marauder ready to play in the majors? More on Kestrel in next month's issue!

Boy, SuperPeople is really on Kestrel's dick, aren't they? There's a large, high-resolution picture of him earlier in the magazine and they printed a letter from some girl in Utah who thinks Kestrel is "super-hot." How did they get that picture of him? I'll bet he has an agent.

Also, I didn't help Kestrel take down those Judo Boys, he helped me. You know, the more I look at this the more pissed I'm getting. "Is the Marauder ready to play in the majors?" Not only does that imply that I'm in the minors, it implies that Kestrel is in the major league, which, sorry Anne from Provo, he is not. Winged wonder my ass.

Also, what's up with the "midnight maniac" thing? That's a fucking Krokus song, it makes me sound like a butt-rocker. I'm not the heavy metal guy, that's Highway Star, the guy in L.A.

Lay off my brand identity, SuperPeople.