Hero

I saw Hero last night with Mitch and Lisa - we loved it.

Donny Yen, Jet Li, the incredibly beautiful Zhiyi Zhang, lots of fu and wirework, pretty colors, epic scenery, clouds of arrows, and Shakespearian tragedy... what's not to like? Plus, it was an interesting exploration of morality and ideals and how they shape our destiny. You should go see it, it was fantastic.

We called it an early night afterwards. Lisa's like 6 months pregant so the usual after-movie cocktails was a no-go. I felt like jumping around so I went on patrol.

You'd think I would be in the mood for some ass-kicking after watching a kung fu movie, but I was in zen mode, "in the zone," and I just bounced and jumped around the roofs of Old Town. I get like this sometimes, so focused on motion that I become unfocused, and the roof-running comes very easily.

There was no crime to speak of, which was fine with me.

I did have one amusing anecdote: I was doing the gargoyle bit, perching on a ledge above Queen's Row, watching people come and go into the bars and clubs. I see this guy stagger out of The Red Eye fumbling with his car keys. He's a hipster doofus with a little goatee and tattoo sleeves, and he's tanked.

He sways down the street, then takes a short-cut down an alley. I follow. Maybe somebody will try to mug him and I can beat somebody up -- I mean, defend the weak and powerless. See how fast I switch from zen master to violent thug?

Unfortunately nobody mugs him and he staggers through the alley in perfect safety. His car keys jingle. This asshole's really going to get into a car.

I follow. Check this out, this is a good move: to get down the alley, I jump up on one wall, bounce off against another wall, then bounce back, etc. I rebound all the way down the alley, chipping bricks and rattling fire escapes as I go. I finish off with a roll on to concrete, popping up in a fu pose. I'm awesome.

There's the hipster doofus - across the street, about to climb into his Jeep. I cover the distance in a single jump and land right next to him. He screams, drops his keys.

I pick the keys up. Show them to him. Throw them into space. They'll land in the bay.

I lean closer. He's pissed himself, he's so scared. He smells like gin and cologne.

"Get a cab," I say in my most menacing Batman voice. Then I spring into the air, bounce off a ledge and up on top of a building and I'm gone.

I watch him from the shadows. He makes a phone call and ten minutes later a cab picks him up. I'm pretty chuffed with myself. I got to do a good deed and I got to scare the shit out of some dickhead. Winner!