It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

May 23, 2005

Placing an order with My Guy

I'm really stressed about meeting Margo and having her recognize me instantly as Connor Mackenzie by my voice. Looking for help of the high-tech variety, I contact My Guy - my anonymous weapons and gadget maker - in a secure chatroom online. Here's the jist of our chat:

ME: Do you have anything that can change my voice?

X9: Non-surgical?

ME: Preferably. Like a gadget or something.

X9: You have two options. The first is a throat crab; a tiny robotic voice modulator that you swallow like a pill. It digs itself into your voice box and allows you to change your voice at will. Throat crabs are remarkably effective.

ME: That sounds like a David Cronenberg movie. What’s the 2nd option?

X9: The second option is a special inhaler that delivers an aerosol drug which lowers your voice for up to two hours. It looks like an asthma inhaler.

ME: I’ll take that one, that sounds good. How many doses per inhaler?

X9: About 24.

ME: Can you overnight me a few inhalers? I’ve got a thing I need them for.

X9: Done. Anything else? We have a special on exploding darts.

ME: I’m good, thanks.

6 comments:

gorjus said...

Oh, DUDE. Throat crabs? Sounds GRODY. The inhaler sounds perfect. If, hijinx-prone.

Zoot Koomie said...

I can see it now. You're out fighting a giant robot or something and the press unexpected corner you for a few words. The cameras catch you huffing on the inhaler and within the week you're the poster boy for American Asthmatics Association and have a whole new (if deluded and wheezy) fanbase.

Zoot

razorsmile said...

There you go!

owlish said...

Throat crab, throat crab!

jon said...

Looking at allergy asthma info online today while my son coughs I came across this post. Does anyone know a good allergy asthma site to help?

Thanks

Anonymous said...

diyet yapmak hem kendinizi daha iyi hissetmenizi sağlar hem de kilo verebilirsiniz. forma girme için yapabileceğiniz en doğru hareket bu olacaktır.