It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

August 31, 2004

Taking the pulse of my adoring public

Meetings never start on time around here, which is funny, because in each meeting room there's a plaque by the door that says: A SUCCESSFUL MEETING... 1. Starts on time, etc.

Anyway, I'm sitting in this meeting room with Surfer Dave and a girl we call Wookie for reasons unknown, waiting for the rest of these jackasses to show up. It's yet another Delphi Project meeting - I'm so sick of this goddamn thing. We're waiting, and I decide to test the water, see what they think of the Velvet Marauder. It goes something like this:

ME: You guys catch the news this weekend? That Velvet Marauder deal in Chinatown with, whatshisname, the winged guy?

WOOKIE: Kestrel.

ME: Right, Kestrel. What's up with that guy, with all the leather and stuff?

DAVE: Both of those dudes.

WOOKIE: I think he's cute.

ME: Which?

WOOKIE: Kestrel. I love guys with accents.

DAVE: I don't know...

ME: He seems a little dainty, you know? With the wings. Sort of delicate.

DAVE: Dainty. That's one word for it.

WOOKIE: Ha ha. Kestrel's not dainty. Look at his arms. He's ripped.

DAVE: Whatever.

ME: Well, what about the Velvet Marauder? He looks pretty fit.

DAVE: That's one word for it.

WOOKIE: Who can tell? With those costumes they wear, the gladiator muscles? I mean, he could be some skinny ugly guy with a bunch of padding and fake muscles.

ME: The dude picked up a Volkswagen once, I saw it on TV. He's gotta be burly.

WOOKIE: I guess. But he wears that mask and the goggles. Who can tell what he looks like?

ME: Kestrel's got a mask, too. And goggles.

WOOKIE: Yeah, but you can tell he's cute. And the accent.

DAVE: Dude's probably from Tulsa or something.

WOOKIE: You're just jealous.

DAVE: What, that I don't have big frickin' claws instead of feet? Yeah.

WOOKIE: He's from England, I read an article about him.

ME: Okay, but what about the Velvet --

DAVE: Maybe he should stay in England.

WOOKIE: See? Jealous.

ME: But the Marauder --

WOOKIE: Yeah, not so much. He's just another Midnight Rambler knock-off.

DAVE: That's kind of true.

ME: What? Why do you say that?

And then the rest of the jackasses show up and we have to talk about the fucking Delphi Project. And I'm just sitting there, fuming. I'm not some goddamn Midnight Rambler knock-off. Now Night Hunter, the guy in Detroit? He's a total knock-off.

I can't catch a fucking break.

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