I’m ready to place another order with My Guy, my anonymous weapons and gadget maker(s). As per usual, secrecy is the order of the day with My Guy: I send a postcard to a P.O. Box, and then receive an encrypted email which I decode with My Guy’s customer software. The decoded email provides me with the URL for a one-time-only chatroom where I log in and place my order.
I call him My Guy, but really I have no idea what his/her gender may be, or whether it’s a big group of Monster Garage type guys or what. “He” works by referral only, and supplies superheroes such as myself with customized armor, weapons, and gear. I know that he makes stuff for Wombat (who referred me to him), Kestrel, Night Hunter (dick), Dark Archer, and Major Domo, and probably lots more. I have a sneaking suspicion that My Guy might also provide gear to supervillains, but I can’t be sure.
Anyway, I log in and place my order. Here’s an excerpt of our chat:
X9: How many Marauderangs?
VM: Do I get a discount if I buy in bulk?
VM: OK. Four dozen.
X9: Do you need any shurikens?
VM: I actually have never used the shuriken gun. Seems too lethal, throws off my balance.
X9: Would you like to return it? Have client in Far East who could use it.
VM: Would I get store credit or something?
X9: Yes. Will send UPS Call Tag label to retrieve it this week. What else?
VM: Two dozen sepia bombs, four KOMA probes, 6 magnesium flares.
X9: Out of mag flares; we have new Solar Flare incendiary bombs instead.
VM: That sounds cool, give me a dozen. Anything else new?
X9: We have pocket sized radio jammers, micro-GPS tracking devices, and water-breathing pills.
VM: Water-breathing pills? No shit?
X9: Lemurian technology, brand new. Each pill lasts 2 hours.
VM: I’ll take two, and a radio jammer.
Wow, water-breathing pills? That sounds awesome. Who knows when that will come in handy? I can put them in the pouch on my utility belt where I keep my cobra anti-venin. Because really, there aren’t any cobras in the Pacific Northwest. It just seemed like the thing to get at the time…