It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

April 18, 2005

Media Report

I can't stop shivering when I get home after my fight with Parka. I take a hot shower which seems to only heat up my outer layer, leaving my inner core frozen. Curling up on the couch under a pile of blankets, I drink hot chocolate and watch Northwest Cable News. I feel like I'm back from a long day skiing.

The news has footage of a mobile crane lifting the car up off Parka's body. All the ice has melted into giant slushy puddles. A blandly handsome reporter stands in front of the taped-off battle zone, looking grave.

"Police have confirmed the identity of the deceased; the supervillain Parka, famous rival of The Silver Striker and member of the villain's club known as The Malefactors," says the reporter. "The ECPD wouldn't say one way or another, but our eyewitnesses confirm that, after attacking the two police officers, Parka battled the Velvet Marauder, and that during the fight, the Marauder physically threw a car on the villain, crushing him."

More footage of the Scion being lifted by crane off Parka's flattened body. Jeez, somebody cover the guy up. What a mess.

"As you can see, Parka definitely was crushed by this small car," the reporter says. "A Scion, I believe."

Man, I actually killed Parka. He was an A-lister, I used to read about his fights with Silver Striker when I was growing up. And I killed him. Me. He fought Silver Striker - and won, several times, if only in a temporary way. You'd think he'd be tougher than that. It was a little car, too. I didn't mean to kill the guy. I mean, I could barely see anything with my goggles fogged up, I just threw the car out of instinct and desperation. But hey, Parka was trying to kill me, and for all I knew he had already killed two cops. Plus, he was trying to kidnap his son and who knows what he would have done to his estranged wife. It's not like I feel bad, it's just... I actually killed Parka.
I find out the two plainclothes cops who got the deep freeze from Parka are in serious but stable condition in Bayview, so that's good news. They were suffering from hypothermia and frostbite, but the Solar Flare I used to thaw them seemed to work. I'm credited with saving their lives, so yay me.

I'm a little nervous about how this whole thing will play out, this me-killing-Parka thing. Then it hits me: The Malefactors.

Parka belonged to The Malefactors, a loose-knit group of Silver Striker villains who occasionally band together for big heists and to break each other out of prison. There are five of them: Black Blizzard, Psychedelia, Moonbug, Demolition Woman, and Parka. Okay, there are only four of them, but they're all heavy-hitters and they're all going to be pissed that I killed their poker buddy.

I'm thinking I'll take a vacation.