It's like Bridget Jones' Diary, but with a super-powered vigilante.

March 27, 2005

Patrol Report

Another boring patrol. I break my recently imposed rule and listen to some music on my suit’s audio system – Scissor Sisters and Panjabi MC are in the mix. It was either that or The Little River Band. I’m serious.

Anyway, there’s nothing going on. No muggings, no supervillains, no cops hunting me – yawn. At least it’s raining; we could use the rain here in the E.C, after our dry winter.

My current nemesis (Nemesi? What’s the plural for nemesis?) the ECPD Paracrime Unit have been pretty low-profile lately and seem to have turned some of their focus away from hunting the Velvet Marauder to training and other tasks. Maybe they realized that I don’t go out on patrol every night because I am a lazy bastard, and moved on to prey with a more developed work ethic.

Weeks ago I planted a KOMA bug on one of the Paracrime troopers, which has allowed me to glean some valuable intel about the unit and keep me one step ahead of them. They currently have 24 hour surveillance on some woman’s apartment in South Bend near the river – I have no idea why. That’s the frustrating thing about electronic eavesdropping: nobody speaks clearly into the mike and handily summarizes all of their plans for me. You actually have to interpret the bits and scraps of information that dribble in. Every other night I listen to the audio feed from the bug in my Secret Chamber and I always feel slightly sheepish and stupid. The Midnight Rambler would be able to collate, interpret, and organize all this random info into something useful, then concoct a brilliant plan. Me? I just sit in the Chamber in my sweats eating pizza and wondering what the hell Paracrime is up to.

That reminds me, I need to email My Guy and order some more KOMA probes and some more Marauderangs – I’m almost out.